I'm Coming Down Now!: From Funny Ghost Stories at Americanfolklore.net

An Alberta Ghost Story

retold by S.E. Schlosser

There was an abandoned house sitting in the middle of a fancy neighborhood in Calgary that nobody would go near. And I mean nobody! Now , my pal Albert was the agent in charge of selling that haunted house and he tried everything in his power to close a deal. But folks were too plumb scared to make an offer, even at rock-bottom prices. Finally, Albert lit on the notion of selling the house sight unseen to a rich city slicker from the States. Worked like a charm, too, until the day the city slicker decided he wanted to visit the property after all.

Albert was all set to take the fellow there at high noon, but the city slicker’s train was delayed, so it wasn’t until after dinner that the two men set off for the haunted house. It was a dark and rainy night, but early enough in the evening that the ghost might still be resting. At least, Albert hoped this was the case.

Albert unlocked the front door, and it opened with an ominous creak. Albert swallowed nervously, but the city slicker just chuckled and said something about atmosphere. Albert relaxed a bit, and wondered if he shouldn’t have raised the price a bit. The two men entered a tall foyer absolutely festooned with dusty cobwebs.

“Creepy!” the city slicker said enthusiastically. He bounded energetically into the center of the foyer, “Come to me, foul spirits!” he intoned loudly.

Immediately, the whole house rang with a sinister, unearthly chuckle. Then an unearthly voice boomed: “I’m coming down now!” The city slicker jumped and then turned to Albert with a happy grin. “Great special effects! How’d you do that?”

“I didn’t,” Albert said, his teeth chattering. He backed up until he hit the front door and stood there with his hand on the knob.

“I’m coming down now!” the voice boomed again, and the city slicker’s grin slipped a bit. He looked at Albert’s frightened posture and then followed the agent’s gaze toward the stairs.

A bright light exploded into being at the top of the steps and quickly resolved into a sinister green head with flaming eyes, writhing hair, and fangs instead of teeth. The head opened its mouth and screamed; a terrible, high-pitched sound that scraped across the nerves.

As the head began rolling down the stairs toward the two men, Albert’s nerve broke, and a moment later he was halfway down the road, his own scream rivaling that of the specter in the house behind him.

It wasn’t until he was almost home that he realized that he had company. The city slicker was running along beside him.

“Mister, I don’t think I want that house after all,” he panted.

“Why not?” asked a hauntingly familiar voice. Albert and the city slicker looked over and saw the green head with flaming red eyes keeping pace with them as they raced down the street.

The city slicker gave a screech that would have shamed a banshee and disappeared into the distance so fast there was no keeping up with him.

“Must have been the asking price,” the floating head said conversationally to Albert. The real estate agent shrieked even louder than the city slicker and ran away so fast that his shoes made sparks against the pavement.

The next day, Albert quit his job and moved to Vancouver, where he spent the rest of his life working on a fishing boat. And the haunted house fell into ruin and was eventually torn down.

You can read more Canadian ghost stories in Spooky Canada by S.E. Schlosser.

Comments

That was scary, and funny. I could imagine someone running down the road screaming their heads off, its halarious!!!

Posted by: Rachel | February 28, 2011 06:14 PM

wow. that was brilliant. is it a true storie? sounds a bit to much to be real, pity got any more good stories?

Posted by: Amber | March 3, 2011 09:06 AM

Wow, That Was Hilarious! Not Spooky At All. Good Though.

Posted by: Marcus Crowell | March 3, 2011 11:53 AM

So, it's a happy ending, then?

Posted by: Gingerbread | March 4, 2011 11:00 AM

haha thats funny

Posted by: Anonymous | March 4, 2011 06:49 PM

ehh, its not that scary kind of spooky but not that scary. I mean that it sounds like it should go into one of those " Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark" but it doesn't sound that real. I mean come on! A floating head! that does NOT sound realistic!

Posted by: kendall | March 5, 2011 08:41 PM

Thats pretty hilarious.

Posted by: Imaperson | March 6, 2011 07:48 PM

I love this story! It's the most awsome yet!

Posted by: Hannah R. | March 8, 2011 01:19 PM

Wow i think this story is intresting

Posted by: Taylor Wagle | March 8, 2011 02:22 PM

I like this story.... thanks for puttin it up I have a story you can put up. There is a girl and a dog and everytime she put her hand under the bed the dog would lick her hand. one night the girl heard drip drop drip drop and she ignored it. she heard it again she ignored it. she heard it againg and put her hjand under the bed and the dog licked her hand. she heard it again and went to her mom's room and told her mom her mom said what are you talking about. she said never mind. she heard it again and ignored it. then the last time she went to look in the closet and there her dog was hanging dead. who was licking her hand. the dog killer was

Posted by: Taylor Wagle | March 8, 2011 02:28 PM

wow no comments

that was a pretty cool story

Posted by: ME <333 | March 10, 2011 04:27 PM

i love this story

Posted by: cecilia | March 10, 2011 07:58 PM

aww, I'm sure the ghost is harmless

Posted by: Max | March 11, 2011 05:27 AM

first bit was scary!

Posted by: Holly Saunders | March 11, 2011 03:51 PM

I love the storie

Posted by: Aariona Monroe | March 17, 2011 09:28 AM

hi i love this website

Posted by: teresa | March 17, 2011 09:47 AM

hilariously scary!!!!!

Posted by: rochelle | March 18, 2011 12:41 AM

this was oddly...Funny

Posted by: Javier | March 20, 2011 06:31 PM

lol that was funny love it !

Posted by: gina | March 22, 2011 05:48 AM

These is more comedy than horror. Imagine shoes lighting off sparks, hahahahh

Posted by: Martins | March 23, 2011 08:58 AM

Thats funny scary loooool People running in the street like CRAZY hahahahaha good one!

Posted by: Amelia | March 24, 2011 08:31 AM

now that was a story

Posted by: Anonymous | March 24, 2011 12:04 PM

lol it was funny but i was kinda scared no dout!!!

Posted by: theresa | March 24, 2011 01:17 PM

omg this has a amazing sense of old folk lore and up to date stories lol it was awsome

Posted by: Adam Holt | March 24, 2011 11:53 PM

I loved this story! It's hilarious! I mean what would you do if you saw a ghost and two men running down the street and screaming? Haha!

Posted by: Montana | March 26, 2011 06:09 PM

lol i liked that story hope theres more

Posted by: yaneiry | March 31, 2011 08:11 PM

wow this story is freaking awesome i love it out of all the stories i read before this one is the best thank you american folkore!!!!

Posted by: Nikolas | April 6, 2011 08:14 PM

wow..very scary and yet a bit funny mostly in the end part

Posted by: jane | April 10, 2011 10:21 AM

Haha. That's funny.

Posted by: Cheska | April 14, 2011 04:48 AM

Posted by: Cheska | April 14, 2011 05:08 AM

that was actually pretty good... lol :)

Posted by: Sarah | April 28, 2011 06:44 PM

this story was on one of the goosebumbs movies lol

Posted by: shyann | May 1, 2011 09:05 PM

This is a awesome tall tale

Posted by: Bob | May 4, 2011 09:11 AM

that was realy good

Posted by: Anonymous | May 10, 2011 06:58 PM

holy moley that was funny wen he said must have been the price

Posted by: alice | May 14, 2011 05:46 PM

LOL! Loved it, wasn't scary, I feel sorry for the head it just wanted some company! :) I'd be it's friend as long as it wore a bag orver it's head! :D

Posted by: Kat | May 15, 2011 08:40 AM

thats crazy and funny

Posted by: monica hamrick | May 17, 2011 11:46 AM

I looovvve it

Posted by: Anonymous | May 17, 2011 03:00 PM

I think the story was funny and interesting.A ghost with a sence of humor. Now maybe that was a house I could live in and have fun everyday.

Posted by: judy moten | May 17, 2011 09:14 PM

“Must have been the asking price,” ha ha ha

Posted by: radhika | May 19, 2011 05:01 PM

that was really funny i would have wanted to live in that house even if it was haunted

Posted by: fjfhjfgfhfg | May 25, 2011 07:27 PM

love it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!